Hair Envy

December 30, 2009 at 10:24 AM (Energy, Hair, Recovery) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It’s not easy being green. Having to spend each day perusing magazines like InStyle with their seven-page editorial spreads of people like Blake Lively, Debra Messing and Penelope Cruz. Watching a little TV at the end of the day and being confronted with Pantene ads of models flipping their glossy, wavy, scapula-long locks around like modern-day incarnations of Cher.

As I’ve said before, baldness didn’t scare me this time around. I’d been through it before, had a DYNAMITE wig, loved the ease with which my morning routine rolled along, and relished the break from shaving, plucking, zits, etc. (Yes, the shiny-face-in-photographs thing was annoying, yes, sweating off my eyebrows six times a day was tedious, but they all beat being dead.) But as a (prematurely) post-menopausal female rapidly approaching the big 4-0, I could use all the feminine beauty mojo I can get. Baldness, and the subsequent Death-Valley-Ultramarathon that is growing out curly hair, eventually loses its silver lining and gets just plain cloudy.

So watching these twenty-something robo-babes and their semi-professional hair-flipping contests is starting to bum me out. Maybe it’s because I still think of myself as looking like them (at least in the respect that we’re both female) and when I catch sight of myself in the mirror I look SO unlike that now that it’s shocking, even more so than seeing my formerly Yul-Brynner self after a shower. I think of myself as having hair now, and this? Is so not it.

I think we need a Bald Channel. The King And I; the Star Trek with the bald chick in it; G.I. Jane; Shaft; the Natalie Portman movie where they shave her head; Kojak reruns. Ernie and Bert marathons. There could be made-for-tv movies about alopecia so chemo patients could understand that they’re not alone in the world, starring LeeAnn Rimes. Cancer patients all over the country would flock to the advertisers: moisturizers, wigs, great hats, Sephora tutorials on eyebrow and eyelash application.

Oh, great, like I don’t have enough projects already.

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  1. Lauren said,

    you look fantastic, that dress is totally sweet!


  2. themudroom said,

    I love the Bald Channel idea. Can’t wait to rub your head like a buddha in three days — it’s good luck for the New Year.

  3. Ann said,

    Girlfriend, nobody is ever going to notice your hair when you are wearing that fabulous dress. You could be missing your head and still turn heads.

  4. your sis said,

    If it makes you feel any better, I don’t recognize myself either when I pass myself in the mirror, and I HAVE hair!

  5. Boston Mamas said,

    You would totally rock that project. For realz.

    Also, you look gorgeous. Both pictures.

  6. sandhy said,

    I really identify with this post – but I looked terrible! Big, fat steroid face on top of everything else. Grr. And blah.

    I must say, you look VERY glam! Having not seen you ‘with’ hair, if I met you I’d think it WAS a fashion statement and the only reason it would cross my mind that you may have been ill is because I went through the same thing. I always want to talk to/hug any woman I see who has a bandanna now. But they might think I’m a bit wierd heh heh.

    Then again, they may not?

    • Louise Gregson said,

      You look great. Mine is still a little patchy on the sides but getting there. I lost all my head hair and most of my body hair. You know what made me laugh and cry simultaneously? The hair on my upper lip grew back first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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