The Silent Treatment

May 27, 2010 at 8:51 PM (Energy, Family, friends, Mood, Treatment) (, , , , , , , , )

It’s so unusual that I haven’t posted anything this week. It’s not as if cancer has been far from my mind – quite the opposite, as I’m sure you can understand. It’s been hard to think about anything else. And yet, I haven’t felt like there’s been a post worth sharing kicking around in my brain.

Whenever I share bad news, I sort of hole up for a while. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to anyone, but I feel so BAD having to draw everyone’s attention back to me and my ridiculously persistent illness. I’d rather talk to you about Sex and the City 2, long weekend plans, chicken recipes, oh, ANYTHING else besides my effin’ lungs. I’m not sticking my head in the sand. I certainly don’t mind talking about it, but I hate knowing that my illness is causing distress. Which it is, don’t lie to me.

I know I’m not the center of the universe. But I can hear it in people’s voices, see it in their faces when they bump into me — they’re bummed I’m sick. I hate that. Not that you’re not allowed to feel your emotions around me, but I have a “no crying” rule for a reason. And I’m not past the angry-pissed-off-frustrated part of the bad-news-reception emotional cascade, so I’m not ready to cheerlead for myself yet. I’ll get back to you.

Have a great long weekend – maybe some time in the pool will cheer me up. Gotta get my Vitamin D, ya know.

Photo courtesy Edward Feather.

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7 Comments

  1. Eileen Esworthy said,

    I so understand where you are, and take the time you need. I haven’t posted in almost 2 months because I just don’t want to talk about cancer anymore. I am so over the whole thing…having said that, I really do owe a few people an update.

    Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be about me. It was me telling you that you should enjoy the pool, the kids, Mr. Wonderful, the long weekend, and anything else good that comes along. We will be here when you get back.

  2. Julie Matthews said,

    That picture makes me long for a dip in a pool!! Enjoy the sunshine!

  3. Sarah Hofschire said,

    Thinking of you without tears — just sending good energy. Have a great weekend.

  4. Ann said,

    Hey,

    I went to Chicago last weekend – an all expense paid trip from a company wanting my opinion about cancer, etc. I can’t really discuss it but they put me up in a five star hotel, had limos airport to door, flew me out both ways, and even paid me. And, all I could do after hours in the big city I’d never been to was sit in the room watcing a Sex and the City marathon.

    And, it was worth it. 🙂

    Can’t wait for your review. I will probably see it in the next couple of weeks, I hope. Surgery coming up so maybe before…love those girls though.

  5. Baldylocks said,

    It was nice meeting you the other day. It’s too bad there wasn’t more time to get to talk to you some more!

  6. sandhy said,

    yes, it’s distressing. but you tend to damp it down – even though we all know about that screaming that happens sometimes in ones head.

    your pool looks delicious – the geraniums delightful – I am just picturing you floating about in that blue…hopefully enjoying it. A LOT. In the UK a pool is just not a scenario – I miss ours from Africa. Swimming before breakfast was amazing.

    I am so scared of a recurrence – you keep me grounded. [even though I sometimes fly off the handle anyway…;o)] because you seem so pragmatic.

    I hope you are having a super Vitamin D filled weekend ;o)
    hugs you
    x

  7. WhiteStone said,

    I couldn’t figure out why my mother’s “99 questions” about my ovca distressed me. I hated answering her every question. When is your next blood test? Your next chemo? How are you feeling? Are you tired? What does the doctor say? Are your numbers good? I need a break!!!

    I finally decided it was because ovca occupies my mind so much, hovering there, alerting me to every physical twinge, wondering. It’s in my mind all the time…I cannot stand to have it in my conversations also! I much prefer to center my conversations around anything besides illness. Mine or anyone else’s.

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