Low Simmer

June 14, 2010 at 1:30 PM (Energy, Hair, Mood, Treatment) (, , , , , , , , , )

Lying around and growing tumors is hard work – I’d forgotten how much it takes out of you. I’ve been drug-free for two and a half weeks now, and I can feel the evil creeping up. Which gets a girl to thinking: thank heaven for modern medicine. How much time would I have without the upcoming trial? Six months? Four? What would my quality of life be? Yeesh.

Fatigue is a constant companion now – I feel like I’m wearing a diving weight belt around my waist. Going to the gym is a bit of a farce, and if someone hadn’t invented the Chuckit!, I think my dog wouldn’t be speaking to me anymore. The cat, on the other hand, is so glad to have me back on the lazy side of the fence.

My trial coordinator said that they are getting “encouraging” results from GDC-0941, and my oncologist is “very excited” to get me on board. I have a full day of tests (EKG, CT, blood tests, urine culture, etc. etc.) set up for today, and then I start the trial on the 21st. I’m feeling optimistic, but wondering how much progress the tumors will make by then. I hate to give up any ground from my chemo of last summer – it feels like I’m betraying the hair loss, fatigue, and all the side effects I went through to “let” the tumors grow back. Especially since I currently resemble Mike Brady. Yea, hats!

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  1. sandhy said,

    bloody hell. well, fingers crossed that this works. x

  2. Mary McClements said,

    Damn Sarah……maybe I wasn’t paying attention close enough, but I didn’t realize things were so….uhh….how can I most tactfully put it? Crappy? I hope you’ve said this to yourself and out loud over the years….even screamed it…..IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

    None of this is fair or right and I’m sorry that you and your family have to suffer through this.

    I thought of you last week….I actually made a plan to think of you. I was competing in my first 1/2 Ironman for the Leukemia Society and it was cold, down pouring, and worst of all, 70.3 miles long! Part of training is mental training, and a part of that is planning on what you’re going to tell yourself when you’re about ready to walk off the course…..or fain a hurt ankle, knee, etc.

    I was HATING the bike ride, and the run even more than hating. I wanted to quit, vomit, cry and throw something at someone….mostly my coach for ‘making’ me do this absurd race! I mean REALLY!? Why would anyone voluntarily put myself through such torture and pain?

    I had to bring in the motivational troops and so in addition to my mantra of, “If I can survive 40 hours of labor, then can survive this.”, I kept saying to myself, “Sarah can’t quit and can’t walk away from the pain and torture.” Your illness, and feel free to curse me, got me through my race of choice, my challenge, my self induced torture and feelings of wanting to stop and vomit…..and just plain quit.

    I’m so incredibly sympathetic that you can’t just say, “ok! I’m tired….this is just silly. I’m ready for all of this to stop!” and poof! All cramps, aches and pains, hair loss and other physical changes are gone. I’m more sympathetic, that most likely every day, you have to bring in the motivational troops, or at least try to, to get you through each moment. And you didn’t even get to train for this race to prepare you for when you wanted to quit .

    My thoughts are with you often, and with love and support.


  3. Telsa said,


    I have been a long time fan/lurker of your blog but have never left a comment until now. Because of you I have been inspired like Mary to push myself to get up to do a 5:00 am run or go to the gym at 9:00 pm after a long hard day. Please know that positive, healing thoughts are being sent your way every day. Best of luck with the trial.

    Deep Peace to you and your family.


  4. David said,

    Hi Sarah,

    First time posting here. I will be coming off the meds in 3 months…how quickly/forcefully will my cancer comes back??…ugh. But I have the summer and I am devoting as much time/energy to my two young boys as possible.

    I found your blog a few weeks ago and having you in my back pocket (thanks to my iphone) is comforting. Thank you for being so brutally honest and my thoughts and prayers are with you…you give me strength and in time maybe I can reciprocate.


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