Lighten Up

August 12, 2010 at 11:25 AM (Family, friends, mommy guilt, Zen) (, , , , , , , , , )

Last week we had a mini-vacation and went to stay with friends on Martha’s Vineyard. We slept in, ate too much, had beers with lunch, napped on the beach (my favorite four-word phrase in the English language), went out one night without the kids and finished conversations. Ate s’mores. You get the idea.

I had succeeded in mentally reminding myself for three mornings not to forget to carry with us or administer my delightful meds (which must, you remember, be kept under refrigeration below 46˚). Since there were coolers all around, going to the beach, etc., I was able to dump them in and choke them down in the vacation-short space between breakfast and lunch.

Reluctantly, on Saturday we packed up our bags, double-checking under beds, nearly forgetting swimsuits and towels drying on the deck rail. I loaded my bottle of iced tea and the boys’ water bottles into the freezer to cool down before packing the cooler for the trip home.

The horde of us descended on a fish shack in Vineyard Haven to grab some lunch before catching our 2:30 ferry. As we waited with the hordes of other hungry people for our lunches, though, we realized we wouldn’t have enough time to eat and still make the boat. We grabbed our bag of sandwiches, said goodbye to the wife and kids of the family we stayed with, and the dad drove us the rest of the way to the ferry dock. Hugs all around, double-check the back of the car for our stuff, and bundle ourselves into the growing line of passengers waiting to climb aboard.

Son #2 dropped his Gatorade bottle for the seven-hundred-and-forty-third time, and I told him, “One of these times, that bottle’s going to split open, and then you won’t have anything…to…drink…but…water…until…” ::Crickets::

“Mr. W, did you grab the cooler?”

“No.”

Crap. “Left my damn drugs at the house!”

I turned and started running (wearing a 35-lb backpack, no less) out to the street where I could see our friend had just been waved into heavy Saturday August Vineyard traffic by the cop trying to keep order. Thank heaven his window was open.

“MARK! MARK!” He turned to look at me.

“I LEFT MY DRUGS AT YOUR HOUSE!!!” (In hindsight, not the best sentence to shout across a crowded intersection in front of a policeman.)

Revision: “I left my meds in your fridge!”

He pulled back into the parking lot, and my three gentlemen shuffled over and got back in the Jeep. I started in browbeating myself about my forgetfulness. “Jeez, I can’t believe I forgot it. I’m so sorry to make you have to come back. I can’t believe I didn’t remember that stuff! How many times did I remind myself that I had to get the cooler? What an eejit.”

This went on for about five minutes. Then I stopped for a second, and realized that I was the only one beating me up about it. Not even any teasing (unusual). And in a flash of maturity, I quit. No one seemed to be upset about having to miss the 2:30 but me. And on second thought, what the hell did I care? Why was I getting all jacked up?

We rode back to the restaurant to finish lunch (the best lobster roll I’ve had in years) with our friends. There was another ferry at 3:45, which meant we’d get home to pick up our dog a little later. No harm, no foul – it’s not like we had an appointment or something waiting back on the mainland.

This verbal self-flagellation is a lifetime habit for me, and I suspect for many others. Does it come from my desire to cut on myself before anyone else gets a chance to? Or am I so concerned about inconveniencing others (and possibly having them speak disparagingly about me after I leave) that I am trying to make sure they know I’m not really that inconsiderate?  Whatever the reason, it’s stupid, and a waste of energy.

It’s time to adopt the Dr. Seuss quote I heard recently and have come to adore: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” I’m a good person, my friends know it, and my life is way too short to spend time browbeating myself for mistakes. Everyone makes ’em, and we’re all doing the best we can. Move on.

Photo credit here.

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5 Comments

  1. Liliana said,

    I couldn’t agree more! Thanks for the reminder.
    Best to you,
    Liliana

  2. Mr. Wonderful said,

    “I left my drugs at your house!” – hilarious – best saying of the weekend. Although, Whit saying that Cirque du Soleil was “way better than the shows at the middle school” was pretty funny, too.

    It was a great vacation/weekend!

  3. Robin said,

    You never fail to put things into perspective, and to make me laugh!

    Thanks for being awesome, and being you!

    And yes, we all endlessly beat ourselves up…it’s called being a woman. We tend to take on the world and then blame ourselves if one little thing goes awry. Nature of the beast, I suppose.

    You are a fabulous writer. If you haven’t already, you should submit some of your blog entries to magazines and papers as a freelancer. I think you would be a breath of fresh air to readers everywhere!

  4. tea said,

    So True!! and a very entertaining reminder!!

  5. sandhy said,

    heh heh – excellent love the shouting about the drugs…off to work now, but this cheered me up no end – glad you’re able to run with a pack on, then shout as well :o)
    x

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